Life is full of stress. We tend to take our selves too seriously and most often dwell on solving what is meaningless instead of laughing at such little mistakes and moving on , we become irritated and scared, thus changing the way we view the world around us. When we focus on the seriousness of such occasions, we become clumsy and less effective and efficient at discharging our duties and achieving our goals,making small situations to be enlarged before our very eyes.
Most of often, many people focus on the other people in our lives and relationships to give them approvals for them to accept themselves.This means that they become emotional dependence rather than independence which is a higher value. When you allow the fear of what people will say to knock you down, you loose your self confidence often times. While hurting your self with such fear , you also hurt other people feelings without realizing it . These behavioral changes alienate people from us and the funny thing is that at those moments, we feel trapped, we act out of bravado rather than understanding. We become defensive as if we are guarding a city to avoid being taken over by some savage.
Without knowing it we are allowing the stress not only to damage the relationships we encounter at those moments. Taking our selves less seriously will make our colleagues , associates spouses, friend trust us and have the feelings that they are dealing with humans and can literally make them want to help also gravitate them to us when they have similar challenges, knowing that since we don’t judge our selves very rashly, we can make them feel better in their own moments of little mistakes and help them move on to focus on what is important. It also accelerate learning as we did not give opportunity to our negative emotions to open their flood gate of doom in such situations.
In my formative years, we were having a program on entrepreneurship in our school that involved teaching kids the important of learning some crafts such as barbing,carpentry, weaving etc and i volunteered my hair for the experiment to one one the learning barbers. The learner was a learner any way, he barbed the hair so badly that when i got home i was physically covering my hair to avoid my siblings and parents knowing that it was badly shaven, but not for long as they found out and it earned me a completely shaved head by my eldest brother that the sun can reflect on your face from my scalp.
I became afraid the night before school for the next day as i found it increasingly embarrassed to be made a laughing stock. I would have feigned sick but the next day was for mid term test so there is no escape.The next day felt like a day to visit the dentist. I was afraid of the boys and the little girls in my class who will giggle and even give me names.No amount of self assurance saved me that night
The next morning. i followed a different route to school to avoid seeing the kids i know in my neighborhood from laughing at me . Since our school was a stone throw from my house, we usually walk to school together in the morning with our peers.
Do you know what? as i came closer to the school gate i began to meet the kids i feared most and they did not spare me but made joke of my artificial bald head. Sensing that there is no way to escape, i joined them and started singing along with them the song they were singing to mock me.This unnerved them that one can actually make fun of him self and they sensed that it was useless continuing,therefore accepting the situation as it was.We even turned what would have been a nightmare mockery to fun as i joked about how i tried to escape every body at home. That attitude quickly made me to be non defensive and i had control of the situation and everything became fun. Before we knew it, the bell rang and the fun came to an end as everybody cut the whole show short and went to the morning assembly and afterwards face the class . Few hours later, it was break time and since the whole class has gotten used to the hair cut, i became free; it only caught the stirs of few of the girls and i gave them thump up while the social science teacher was in the class.
What have you done in the past that you thought will be the end of your live but turn out to be a joke? As adults we should learn from the children and let things drop quickly and not over thinking and worrying about them.Of the truth,there were clearly times in life and certain circumstances that are genuinely serious. However, far too often, we add unnecessary stress, pressure, and negativity to situations with our serious-attitude instead of learning to laugh at our selves .
Laughter is very good as anti depressant.It beautifully helps alter our views and alter our mood, relaxing our muscles, boosting our immune systems, releasing endorphins and decreasing stress hormones, and increasing blood flow to the heart.
We can never avoid dealing with the serious aspects of our lives—as we all know, but striving to bring laughter into our lives and relationships in a healthy way is one of the best things we can do to enjoy our selves and also live healthy.
Our world today is filled with fix it quick solutions . We were always in a hurry because there are always many things we want to accomplish immediately, as a result of increased volume of information available to us through the various medium around us. The internet age makes new innovations become stale within hours and minutes if now seconds.The irony is that time remains constant each day-24 hours in which we have to do so much things we have in our lists.As we are hit by reality based on the unchanging principles that forms the natural laws governing the universe and human existence, we begin to come in conflicts with so many things: our belief systems; the need for personal sustenance and survival through meaningful work; the need for productivity in our various vocations to retain our positions because of brutal competition; the relationship hassles with our spouses, children, friends because of our inability to feel and react to them appropriately ;need for new skills to compete and not be obsolete due to the changing nature of available job openings and cutting edge technologies. Finally,under these unfavorable conditions, we also begin to notice that habits we have picked up along the wayare inhibiting us to learn the required ones.
When faced with these myriads of deep rooted problems, some people will watch their faith broken and literally melting, resulting to cynicism and criticizing everything and every body around them. Some may resolve to seek solace in various vices not congruent to human growth , while other may lower their expectations about life and decide never to look up in the sky and dream again, believing that the vision they projected for themselves when they were young was a foolish adventure.The question here is, is there a solution? Of course, Yes. If there is no solution, everybody would have been in the same sorry state.
The answers we seek will never materialize until we awaken to the fact that we are not getting the results that we want. The first thing is to accept that we are not getting the result we want because we were still blaming all the outside factors except our role.
Accepted that we could not have changed so many of the outside factors since they were not under our control, so forget about them for a while. An Ibo- African proverb says that “you can never boast to hunger until you have a piece of yam in your hands”; translating that when you achieve your primary self victory you can as well influence the world positively.
Therefore, if you find your self in such a situation, you should take responsibilities for your future actions from them all and also unconditionally accept that nothing could be done about the past, a sunk cost.By accepting responsibilities, gives you the first power to be involved in shaping and running your life you automatically become the CEO of your self . The next should be to review the past activities of your life and do some weeding-out of the things you no longer want to do . These unplugging of non desirable activities will provide you time you need because you will no longer occupy all your time with wastes and unproductive activities that drain your energy too.
Freeing up some time and quantum of energy will be liberating as that will allow you the opportunity to be more clear headed and look at the remaining list of activities and prioritize what should be done firs,t second and so on and the list of what if not done at all like watching television will not be missed if there is no time left.The fastest way to move after you determine what you will be focusing on is to get enlightenment on those areas, look for people who are already making making it to couch you. Learning through reading books and articles in those direction should be key.Even volunteering your time in worthy causes will also give you opportunity at the earliest possible time to start test running your new ideas
Reading good books which are repository of knowledge has suffered in our modern times.So many people put all kinds of activities in their daily schedules except reading some good books.The purpose of education is to make common knowledge available to everyone and everywhere in the world first and to also serve as the platform to for transmission of knowledge from one generation to the other. Therefore, the pursuit of continuous learning will continue to broadening our minds in more than a small ways and as we learn, we see solutions to most of the problems submerged in our conscious minds even for years past.
There is no way you can master all the subjects of your challenges at once to be honest , learning is a life long activity so be prepared to start taking baby steps on changing the way you approach those challenges by taking action. The earliest step could be in changing your perceptions and your habits by stop fueling the previous old habits but focusing on the new ones you want.The initial step will be difficult but with passage of time it becomes easier. All you need is to develop new mind sets and persevere along the way to achieving your set goals.Do not forget to always measure your self and see how how far you are moving towards becoming the ideal person that you want to be based on the vision you have developed. for you to effectively o achieve your vision,you have to keep your head in the cloud but never stop for once to work on the tasks in front of you to realize those goals that will make your vision to come true.
If you keeping learning,building new sets of skills such as good communication skills, interpersonal relationships and maintain the positive attitude and not returning to to the former ways of cynicism and criticism and self loathing, you will discover the silver lining in the challenges you have had past through in the past and see that you can start converting them to success since these challenges actually provides us the basis for discovery of the solutions to our former problems. In fact, most of the innovative products today that hits the market and become a success story like Facebook was discovered by Mike Zukerberg and his team working on solving the issue of making people keep in touch with their friends and love ones, business associates , school reunions from all over the world at a very negligible cost. When you begin to look for the solutions to these myriads of past problems and actually find them, you could unravel what will make all the time worth your while and can even earn a living through them then you will notice the gap between you and your ideal vision begin to close and if you are consistent over time, they can even merge in a beautiful way to create a superior ideas that will not only meet and surpass your daily needs but can make of you an international icon who has the finance, the knowledge and the desire to contribute to the less privileged and put smiles and resources into the hands and sousl of million who are still lost on their way,, thereby making the world a better place than you previously perceived it.
Courage to embrace the changes and learning is what is returned.
Every child while growing up, quickly learnt something unconsciously: to please its parent or guardians ,why?. most adults from beginning of a relationship with their young ones transfers their unrealized hopes and dreams especially when the reality hits them that they can no longer achieve some feats based on their oldness but still long for those accomplishments begin to see themselves through the lens of their offsprings and begin to cast them mentally and even physically to assume those characters of in order to achieve the deeds they could not achieve but still deem very important. The acceptance of the child to play that role increases as its simple mind sucks in ways to please his parent or guardian(s) who he see as hero(es) at that stage of his life. As the child grows from per-teen to complete teenager and increases interactions with other children, the media, through the school system, sports, peer group ,association and through live application of his nascent philosophy to solve issues become attracted to certain sports, certain way of life: develop likeness and great affinity for certain profession while believing less in others.
Let us assume that the child mentioned above believed in the sports , profession or ways of life same as parent(s) or the guardian(s) it leads to true success stories because he will receive support and admiration from the guardian or the parent(s) and having a keen interest also in all he engages in , will follow through with vigor relishing every moment to ensure he bring all assignments to closure in a excellent manners.
This is quite different if opposite set of condition is true , where the child likes different sports, professions and way of life that is worthy of pursuit but become afraid to do so rather taking the side of the parent or the guardian just to please them.This is usually costly to the young adult who will therefore consistently stretch to live a value of another man to satisfy yet another man(guardian or parent.) yet not believing in those values
His vision will then the obscured by a fake vision which makes them to live to satisfy others but them self.
This scenario sets a stage for mediocrity ; fear of failure; not reaching the full potential something about having poor qualifications; falling into a state of inaction even when they feel like removing the mask and returning to the real vision they believe in because they believe that the cost will be much and the resources to make the switch will be enormous.
A lot of entrepreneurs were in this category and are begging for help to get real as the cannot get past average in their chosen field there are a lot of real life reasons
to be continued…..
Take 3 seconds to think how smart, rich, committed, efficient you would have loved to be right now. The chances were that you have been thinking about that for a long time but have never made any changes except in number of days, weeks months and years delayed. At best, some people takes weak actions, or adopt behavior less congruent to their pursuit to justify their lack of result and finally claimed goals are not achievable.
The cold brutal facts that we must all face is that everybody is given a scorecard just like in school by , professor finance, professor health, professor personal development.
Every month each individual receives how he is doing and can decide to tuck it away and never to look into it again, some even decry the unfairness of the scorecards as they were not provided with equal opportunities were judged the same way.
On the flip side of the coin, the good students of these school of reality were smiling home with the scorecards of higher grades and always keep them handy to have a peep into them and accept the feedback of where they need to makes change and start making efforts to improve in those arrears.
We might not at the onset be able to choose the country, town, race we were born to;we might have different learning abilities based on our upbringings, even if we try, we might never grow to the same size and stature but this is definite true: we can choose to continue to navigate to the side we believe in strongly each moment making progress as time passes.
to be continued……..