Comeback, Inspirational, learning, Motivational, Urgency

Staging a comeback after a defeat by circumstances around you

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We’ve  all once had that ‘bulb ‘flicked on’ in our brains and that bright ideas become real.  In those moments , our enthusiasm hit the sky and we had the right amount of the  activation energy to start something new and brilliant  such as  startups ,blogging, writing  a  new  book  or  starting our dream project.  We became enthusiastic and gave our very best and soon were congratulated by those around us and have our dopamine levels increase to bring that satisfaction we crave  for our new accomplishments.

What we were never prepared for is that the other circumstances around us will fight for the imbalance our new pursuits had created to get our attention back; it could be our family members or spouse, friends or our paid job, our finances and income, our social commitments. They will hit with such desperate urgency to bring back our devotion which is no longer riveted on them. At first many of us will neglect these undercurrents and disturbances and carry on with our new pursuits, often juggling a lot of things at the same time and very soon, we  start noticing disruptions in our routines , stress on our bodies and diminishing interests in things in general because of unresolved issues that were e created . This will gradually increase our stress levels and we begin to see our interest on the new purists plummet also . These kind of scenarios could even make some believe that the new ventures are  not worth it and eventually return to mediocrity which in the first instance was  their  main goal to exit.

I was  recently inundated  by waves of other commitments and it was not very pleasant moments  and  I went through so many tough times that threatened to make me forgo blogging but deep inside my mind I  knew that if I summon the courage I could get over these and come back to my blogging.  I decided to be bold, re-negotiate my commitments to these circumstances and thankfully I have started blogging again

Now I am stronger having emerged from many circumstances that would have turned me into a pulp years back and looked at things that happened as  learning opportunities for improvements.

In an event of a  setback, we should  endeavor to  always think of the reasons  our dreams are important to us  in the first place and  allow that reason to fuel our motivation and inspiration to fight for  them.

Any time we stage a comeback after a major setback. we should ensure we also start balancing acts for all those challenges we re absorb such as our cherished relationships, our jobs etc  and set fresh boundaries and new commitment levels that will enhance our interactions  with them. We should also bring to a closure those distinctive things we no longer required to do in order   to  create more time for us to focus on what is important to us now.

entrepreneur, Inspirational, learning, Motivational, Uncategorized

Loneliness and just how to put it to your advantage

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What is the most important thing in people’s life that makes them joyful? Some persons may point to tremendous prominence and riches but to most, friends and family are the tangible central source of happiness. Even though our need to bond is inborn, the truth is that many of us will every now and then go home alone. You could have people around you during the course of the day or even be in a lifelong partnership and still experience a profound, persistent loneliness. After food and shelter, our need to belong and feel positively connected to others is arguably the Number One predictor of well-being,

Loneliness can therefore be defined as sadness caused by one having no friends or company to connect to. Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to separation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional or even physical factors.

Loneliness can be found throughout societies among people in marriages, relationships, families normally consequence of breakups or divorces, or loss of any important person in one’s life. Loneliness may represent a dysfunction of communication and can also result from places with low population density where there are few people to interact with.Loneliness is therefore, a subjective experience; if a person thinks they are lonely, then they are lonely. People can be lonely while in solitude, or in the middle of a crowd. What makes a person lonely is the fact that they need more social interaction or a certain type of social interaction that is not currently available. A person can be in the middle of a party and feel lonely due to not talking to enough people. Conversely, one can be alone and not feel lonely; even though there is no one around, that person is not lonely because there is no desire for social interaction. There have also been suggestions that each person has their own sweet spot of social interaction. If a person gets too little or too much social interaction, this could lead to feelings of loneliness or if one gets too much it could lead to over stimulation.

Solitude can have positive effects on individuals. It can help to improve their intellectual state such as improving attentiveness. Furthermore, once the alone time is over, people’s moods tended to increase significantly.Loneliness can also play an important role in the creative process. In some people, temporary or prolonged loneliness can lead to notable inventive and creative expression,

Causes of Loneliness

Social isolation refers to an objective state in which we have limited social connections and interactions. Loneliness, on the other hand, is an entirely subjective state, in which we feel socially and/or emotionally disconnected from those around us. As such, socially isolated people are not necessarily lonely, and lonely people are not necessarily socially isolated.Loneliness tends to create distorted perceptions and pessimistic mind-sets that can lead to depression. Being lonely makes us judge our friendships and relationships more negatively and respond to others more defensively and even with greater hostility—which can push people away and sabotage opportunities for closeness and meaningful interaction. Thus, these behaviors can set us up for being both more socially isolated and more depressed. The good news is that regardless of whether we are genetically predisposed to loneliness, according to observation by Guy Winch, ‘’the power to extract ourselves from its clutches remains in our hands’. Doing so involves correcting our negative perceptions of our relationships, by assuming people care for us more than we believe they do and giving them the benefit of the doubt and taking active steps to reach out and connect with others no matter emotionally risky it feels to do so. Then   monitoring our reactions to limit defensiveness and hostility and make efforts to come across more warmly and openly.

Introversion

Fear and depression and are common among introverts than extroverts this means that introvert are more susceptible to become loners.Introverts are more self-deprecating than others—but also more accurate in their self-assessments they seem to have cheerless practicality.Cheerfulness, an arousing emotion, may be distracting for introverts during tasks. By difference, extroverts tend to feel cheerful or animated while approaching or concluding their tasks. Conversation between an introvert and an extroverts can involve a series of misunderstandings. As the introvert struggles to follow multiple conversational threads and sort out his own thoughts, he remains quiet and appears to be just listening. The extrovert reads that as engagement, a cue to keep talking. The introvert struggles with the continuing flow of input and soon starts to shut out the extrovert, while nodding or smiling, or even trying to stop the exchange.

What Not to Say to an Introvert

Introverts, those quiet creatures that walk among you, are not as mild-mannered as made out to be. They seethe and even will lash out at those who encroach upon or malign their personal comfort zones. Here are a few emotional buttons to avoid with your introverted companions.

  • Don’t demand immediate feedback from an introvert as they  need time to formulate them and often won’t talk until a thought is suitably polished.
  • Don’t ask introverts why they’re not contributing in meetings. If you’re holding a brainstorming session, let the introvert prepare, or encourage him to follow-up with his contributions afterward.
  • Don’t interrupt if an introvert does get to talking. Listen closely as being  overlooked is a really big issue for introverts,” Trying to connect in the virtual sphere, though, is actually counterproductive. Here are three ways virtual connection is ruining your real-life relationships:

Excessive connection to Social media what do you do on social media? You share moments—moments of joy, of friendship, humor and beauty. Paradoxically, by engaging with social media all the time , you lose the moment. In your quest to connect virtually, you disconnect from your reality and the people in it.

You lose the experience of happiness in the process of trying to refine your smile for public consumption.  The need for positive reinforcement through likes and comments will keep you detached.We’re happiest when our mind is in the present moment, not when it’s wandering off somewhere. Truly savoring a positive experience—fully immersing yourself in it—enhances the experience and the happiness you derive from it. As soon as you pull out that Selfie stick, you’ve lost itInstead of deriving pleasure from your experience—say, travel—your device becomes your main source of pleasure. Unwittingly, it makes you less connected and more narcissistic, and with that comes a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows caused by obsessive attention-seeking.

One study found that the mere presence of a cell phone while two people are talking interferes with their feelings of closeness, connection, and communication. We are profoundly social creatures wired to connect with others; when devices interfere with your conversations, you undermine your own ability to connect with others. You miss the sparkle of emotion in your child’s eye, the look of vexation on your partner’s face, or a friend’s attempt to share something meaningful with you. In theory, social media is designed to connect us. In reality, it acts as a barrier.

 

 

References

 

Guy Winch, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201612/is-there-gene-loneliness

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness

entrepreneur, Inspirational, learning, Motivational

Emotional Pain, Man and Performance

headache-1910644__340According to an online free medical dictionary, Pain is an unpleasant feeling that is conveyed to the brain by the sensory neuron.

There are two types of pains, the pain resulting from physical accidents such as car accidents, home accident, sports accident and the rest and the one that is emotional, caused sometimes by disease conditions and relationship or work related conditions.The physical pain can seriously limit the performance of humans and make them even defendants on others for their physical need.The solutions to the physical pains and diseases related pains are medical diagnosis and targeted treatments; nutritional recommendation  could form part of the treatment.

The subject of our discussion here is  the causes of emotional pains in normal working adults. Emotional pains result more often from our personal  interactions and perceptions  from our environment , people and our work loads , work ethics and our attitudes.

While our relationships could produce frictions and disaffection and often our work life balance can be demanding, we may not have control over them but we sure do have control over our work ethics and our attitude to work. We can complain and become cynical about our situations or can decide to look at them differently and take responsibilities for our participation and perception of the entire process.

Most humans actually move away from pain and want to increase their happiness and many can dream lofty dreams when they are happy and young but the scars of life unpleasant adventures, rejections and failed attempts greatly affects what causes pain to humans.

According to Dr Mercola,” Emotional pain often exacts a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain”.

In  our work lives,  the understanding of our  emotional pains and having the right attitudes in dealing with them is one single factor that distinguishes successful people from their unsuccessful counter parts. One of the most important factors that determine how successful we can be in dealing with our emotional pains is actually by developing our  awareness level to recognize the presence of the emotional pains and acknowledging them like the acknowledgements  of   received mails in our ‘brain-box’ as we do in our mail boxes. After acknowledging emotional pains ,the second step is deciding to do something about them.  By these twin actions of accepting them and acknowledging the emotional pains, they give us the feeling of ownership of our lives.

The third step will be to use our awareness and human conscience to search out the source of this pains and if  take this step , we often  find out the out the source. They  could be from disagreements arising  from our work relationships; from pressures from family responsibilities, pressing financial obligations falling due or could be  from large to do list  resulting often  to previous procrastination or from the concern about the well-being of a loved ones.

Having confirmed the sources of these emotional pains, we should quickly proceed to the fourth step. In this phase we should get a clean sheet of paper and write out at least 20 possible solutions to  a particular emotional pain. The fact that we can make the attempts to generate the twenty possible solutions to a particular emotional pain, gives us the freedom as a thinking humans to be proactive and this mind mapping process  could  even precipitate  new solutions that will not only solve our present challenges effectively but  could lead you to a new-found success stories as spin offs.

After this fourth assignment, we should free ourselves for some time and we shall l immediately begin to  see that our confidence level rise and we will see the emotional pain in a fresh way and can even make the solutions better  by prioritizing the list according to the solution that we feel that will have the greatest impact on the top and the one with perceived impact at the bottom of the list.

The twenty solutions generated will then be assigned alphabetical order according to their importance, ‘A’ should represent the most important, followed by a   ‘B’, then a ‘C ‘and so on until we list the last solution. This exercise will achieve two things for us: first we are going to adopt the solution that we think is most appropriate and second, we shall keep others as our options because a challenge that has only one solution is dangerous and if it fails it leave us powerless.

By the time we finish the fourth assignment, our willpower will be bursting to the sims to get us to the next phase which is to take actions. And we  begin  feel assured that if the first solution fails, we have others in your closet showcase.

The fifth step is actually take the leap of faith and execute our best possible solution, and action targeted at the problem to avoid over preparation, Most often the solutions  that involves  our participation  and contributions help us take decision faster  and keep iterating until we get the desired results and even if the end result did not totally reflect our original assumptions we will feel good about ourselves  that we did something about our challenges .  if we consistently   acts on our thoughts  help to establish us as effective people and improve our  self images to keep resembling our self ideals.

If by any chance an individual refused through self-defeating tendencies like procrastination refuse to take actions these gaps of self-image and self ideal of the individual will widen and could reach hooks law proportion when one can snap or throw in the towel. This inaction often result to wallowing in self-pity, negative self image and addiction as an alternative to the emotional pains which will aggravate the whole problem to reach new proportions

We are endowed so much that if we care we should never allow that to happen to us and the strong among us who by default own these characteristics naturally should extend their hands of support to the weak and the less privileged ones as we journey so that their contributions to humanity will continue to grow

Let us show today that our emotions  are our friends and not our foes an become problem solvers .

References

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Pain

5 Tips for Recovering from Emotional Pain, http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/08/15/emotional-pain-recovery-tips.aspx#!

entrepreneur, Inspirational, learning, Motivational

Waited for So long, why wait more?

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We were all born into life to run a race. At the point of birth, none was holding any resource in his hands. The waiting starts for some people early enough in their lives, they were not well nurtured after delivery because they were born to poverty and in the slum, there is no enough money to send them to crèche, kindergarten they waited to go as they noticed other children going , even crying and throwing tantrums but to no effect because the economy was bad and Dad has not enough money for school as such stage; they waited patiently  to  go to the best of schools while growing up but it did not happen, they wished that their birthdays were celebrated with pomp and splendour but it was hardly so. So many things happened along the way that eventually labelled them as dependent adults both emotionally, physically and intellectually, then they found out that they cannot get a great job, cannot afford to live in nice places, cannot afford the best means of transportation, lack in ability to communicate and effectively sell their ideas to the world, then, the blame game ensues. The blame game has been traded for centuries without having positive impact. Many individuals who are waiting for others to attain a certain height or approval to be recognized or think for them are called dependent individuals

So many people who are ill or have physical challenges depend on other people, tools both manual and computerized to achieve some physical goals like having computerized arms and legs for walking and carrying work of different purposes. Some depend on others to think out the solution of their problems and challenges for them

We should all recall as students, we were first dependent on our teachers for knowledge before we continued to mature and become interdependent intellectually

.The third form of dependence which is emotional dependence of grown individuals is the business of our day.

Children and wards can depend on their guardians and parents emotionally for the period of their development and gradually reduces their dependencies as they grow.

The reverse is the case for some people, who entirely and continuously depend on their parents, spouse or others emotionally and will do anything to get their attention and approval before they can make any decision in life.  The net effect is that many people with little exception think of themselves most of the time and are rarely interested in solving the next mans’problem of any kind. While we wait for such people who are usually in all places, to make us move forward, they give us the scum of their thinking time which may not be enough to pull us through the challenges we may be facing in the first instance

Those who depend on others to let them out of their manholes trials are usually afraid to take decision because most of them are unable to manage their emotion. They are not proactive and they don’t determine their own response to situations, therefore, they lack experience that comes from solving previous challenges and unable to regulate themselves and use their will power to determine their own answers which will eventually determine their outcomes in life

So many good comes from taking initiative. Let us look at some of them below:

First, it breaks you from the force of inertia keeping you from the condition you want to exit.  if a fat person buys a trainer and registers for gym, the first day may look like nothing and may even be discouraging but if he keeps going and training for the essential intervals day-to-day, something must unquestionably happen to his mass and energy which becomes encouraging and eventually inspiring and strengthening and if the same person endures  for a long time, he may become an instructor himself if he add the instructive qualification or can even be un official trainer to some other friend. All started by taking initiative and taking the first step.

Secondly, it aids you to make improved choices in the next undertaking you want to engage in It is easy, to know what does not work on the second voyage on the same route than in the first. If the same individual was trained to adopt a stratagems that will help him to avoid procrastination in the first instance by regularly working in the gym, the same individual will almost apply it to regularly going to the class and doing his coursework  on time while running educational program

Thirdly, it brings the individual self-confidence up.

Not waiting for anyone anymore improves the confidence of the individual taking the step because it move him up the lather to become emotionally independent and do what he feels right to do that is not against the regulation and it doesn’t have to be cool with all other people. This helps the individual to develop the can do spirit to getting things done without the fear of failure and even if they fail they can rebound quickly

The list of advantages goes on and on and the more we decide to wait we begin to reverse the whole lot.

The idea of waiting on someone before you do what is right for your self is self-defeating and should be substituted for taking initiatives and even if you fail, you can quickly learn from your failure and do it right the next time.

 

 

entrepreneur, learning, Motivational, Uncategorized

Learn not to take your self too seriously

easter-2121022__340Life is full of stress.  We tend to take our selves too seriously and most often dwell on solving what is meaningless instead of laughing at such little mistakes and moving on  , we become irritated and scared, thus changing the way we view the world around us. When we focus on the seriousness of such occasions,  we become clumsy and less effective and efficient at discharging our duties and achieving our goals,making small situations to be enlarged before our very eyes.

Most of often, many people   focus  on the other people in our lives and relationships to give them approvals for them to accept themselves.This means that they become emotional dependence rather than independence which is a higher value. When you allow the fear of what people will say  to knock you down, you loose your self confidence often times. While  hurting your self with such fear , you also hurt other people  feelings without realizing it . These behavioral changes alienate people from us and the funny thing is that at those moments, we feel trapped, we act out of bravado rather than understanding. We become defensive as if we are guarding a city to avoid being taken over by some savage.

Without knowing it we are allowing the stress not only to damage the relationships we encounter at those moments. Taking our selves less seriously will make our colleagues , associates spouses, friend trust us and have the feelings that they are dealing with humans and can literally make them want to help also gravitate them to us when they have similar challenges, knowing that since we don’t judge our selves very rashly, we can make them feel better in their own moments of little mistakes and help them move on to focus on what is important. It also accelerate learning as we did not give opportunity to our negative emotions to  open their flood gate of doom in such situations.

In my formative years, we were having a program on entrepreneurship in our school that involved teaching kids the important of learning some  crafts such as barbing,carpentry, weaving etc and i volunteered my hair for the experiment to one one the learning barbers. The learner was a learner any way, he barbed the hair so badly that when i got home i was physically covering my hair to avoid my siblings and  parents knowing that it was badly shaven, but not for long as they found out and it  earned me a completely shaved head by my eldest brother that the sun can reflect on your face from my scalp.

I became afraid the night before school for the next day as i found it increasingly embarrassed to be made a laughing stock. I would have feigned sick but the next day was for  mid term test so there is no escape.The next day felt like a day to visit the dentist. I was afraid of the boys and the little girls in my class who will giggle and even give me names.No amount of self assurance saved me that night

The next morning. i  followed a different route to school to avoid seeing  the kids i know in my neighborhood from laughing at me . Since our school was a stone throw from my house,  we usually walk to school together in the morning with our peers.

Do you know what? as i came closer to the school gate i began to meet the kids i feared most and they did not spare me but made joke of my  artificial bald head. Sensing that there is no way to escape, i joined them  and started  singing along with them the song they were singing to mock me.This unnerved them that one can actually make fun of him self and they sensed that it was useless continuing,therefore  accepting the situation as it was.We even turned what would have been a nightmare mockery to fun as i joked about how i tried to escape every body at home. That attitude quickly made me to be non defensive and i had control of the situation and everything became fun. Before we knew it, the bell rang and the fun came to an end as everybody cut the whole show short and went to the morning assembly and afterwards face the class . Few hours later, it was break time and since the whole class has gotten used to the hair cut, i became free; it only caught the stirs of few of the girls and i gave them thump up while the social science teacher was in the class.

What have you done in the past that you thought will be the end of your live but turn out to be a joke? As adults we should learn from the children and let things drop quickly and not over thinking and worrying about them.Of the truth,there were clearly times in life and certain circumstances that are genuinely serious. However, far too often, we add unnecessary stress, pressure, and negativity to situations with our  serious-attitude instead of learning to laugh at our selves .

Laughter is very good  as anti depressant.It beautifully helps alter  our views and alter our mood, relaxing our muscles, boosting our immune systems, releasing endorphins and decreasing stress hormones, and increasing blood flow to the heart.

We can never  avoid dealing with the serious aspects of our lives—as we all know, but striving to bring  laughter into our lives and relationships in a healthy way is one of the best things we can do to enjoy our selves and also live healthy.