entrepreneur, Inspirational, learning, Motivational

Emotional Pain, Man and Performance

headache-1910644__340According to an online free medical dictionary, Pain is an unpleasant feeling that is conveyed to the brain by the sensory neuron.

There are two types of pains, the pain resulting from physical accidents such as car accidents, home accident, sports accident and the rest and the one that is emotional, caused sometimes by disease conditions and relationship or work related conditions.The physical pain can seriously limit the performance of humans and make them even defendants on others for their physical need.The solutions to the physical pains and diseases related pains are medical diagnosis and targeted treatments; nutritional recommendation  could form part of the treatment.

The subject of our discussion here is  the causes of emotional pains in normal working adults. Emotional pains result more often from our personal  interactions and perceptions  from our environment , people and our work loads , work ethics and our attitudes.

While our relationships could produce frictions and disaffection and often our work life balance can be demanding, we may not have control over them but we sure do have control over our work ethics and our attitude to work. We can complain and become cynical about our situations or can decide to look at them differently and take responsibilities for our participation and perception of the entire process.

Most humans actually move away from pain and want to increase their happiness and many can dream lofty dreams when they are happy and young but the scars of life unpleasant adventures, rejections and failed attempts greatly affects what causes pain to humans.

According to Dr Mercola,” Emotional pain often exacts a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain”.

In  our work lives,  the understanding of our  emotional pains and having the right attitudes in dealing with them is one single factor that distinguishes successful people from their unsuccessful counter parts. One of the most important factors that determine how successful we can be in dealing with our emotional pains is actually by developing our  awareness level to recognize the presence of the emotional pains and acknowledging them like the acknowledgements  of   received mails in our ‘brain-box’ as we do in our mail boxes. After acknowledging emotional pains ,the second step is deciding to do something about them.  By these twin actions of accepting them and acknowledging the emotional pains, they give us the feeling of ownership of our lives.

The third step will be to use our awareness and human conscience to search out the source of this pains and if  take this step , we often  find out the out the source. They  could be from disagreements arising  from our work relationships; from pressures from family responsibilities, pressing financial obligations falling due or could be  from large to do list  resulting often  to previous procrastination or from the concern about the well-being of a loved ones.

Having confirmed the sources of these emotional pains, we should quickly proceed to the fourth step. In this phase we should get a clean sheet of paper and write out at least 20 possible solutions to  a particular emotional pain. The fact that we can make the attempts to generate the twenty possible solutions to a particular emotional pain, gives us the freedom as a thinking humans to be proactive and this mind mapping process  could  even precipitate  new solutions that will not only solve our present challenges effectively but  could lead you to a new-found success stories as spin offs.

After this fourth assignment, we should free ourselves for some time and we shall l immediately begin to  see that our confidence level rise and we will see the emotional pain in a fresh way and can even make the solutions better  by prioritizing the list according to the solution that we feel that will have the greatest impact on the top and the one with perceived impact at the bottom of the list.

The twenty solutions generated will then be assigned alphabetical order according to their importance, ‘A’ should represent the most important, followed by a   ‘B’, then a ‘C ‘and so on until we list the last solution. This exercise will achieve two things for us: first we are going to adopt the solution that we think is most appropriate and second, we shall keep others as our options because a challenge that has only one solution is dangerous and if it fails it leave us powerless.

By the time we finish the fourth assignment, our willpower will be bursting to the sims to get us to the next phase which is to take actions. And we  begin  feel assured that if the first solution fails, we have others in your closet showcase.

The fifth step is actually take the leap of faith and execute our best possible solution, and action targeted at the problem to avoid over preparation, Most often the solutions  that involves  our participation  and contributions help us take decision faster  and keep iterating until we get the desired results and even if the end result did not totally reflect our original assumptions we will feel good about ourselves  that we did something about our challenges .  if we consistently   acts on our thoughts  help to establish us as effective people and improve our  self images to keep resembling our self ideals.

If by any chance an individual refused through self-defeating tendencies like procrastination refuse to take actions these gaps of self-image and self ideal of the individual will widen and could reach hooks law proportion when one can snap or throw in the towel. This inaction often result to wallowing in self-pity, negative self image and addiction as an alternative to the emotional pains which will aggravate the whole problem to reach new proportions

We are endowed so much that if we care we should never allow that to happen to us and the strong among us who by default own these characteristics naturally should extend their hands of support to the weak and the less privileged ones as we journey so that their contributions to humanity will continue to grow

Let us show today that our emotions  are our friends and not our foes an become problem solvers .



5 Tips for Recovering from Emotional Pain, http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/08/15/emotional-pain-recovery-tips.aspx#!

entrepreneur, Inspirational, learning, Motivational

Waited for So long, why wait more?


We were all born into life to run a race. At the point of birth, none was holding any resource in his hands. The waiting starts for some people early enough in their lives, they were not well nurtured after delivery because they were born to poverty and in the slum, there is no enough money to send them to crèche, kindergarten they waited to go as they noticed other children going , even crying and throwing tantrums but to no effect because the economy was bad and Dad has not enough money for school as such stage; they waited patiently  to  go to the best of schools while growing up but it did not happen, they wished that their birthdays were celebrated with pomp and splendour but it was hardly so. So many things happened along the way that eventually labelled them as dependent adults both emotionally, physically and intellectually, then they found out that they cannot get a great job, cannot afford to live in nice places, cannot afford the best means of transportation, lack in ability to communicate and effectively sell their ideas to the world, then, the blame game ensues. The blame game has been traded for centuries without having positive impact. Many individuals who are waiting for others to attain a certain height or approval to be recognized or think for them are called dependent individuals

So many people who are ill or have physical challenges depend on other people, tools both manual and computerized to achieve some physical goals like having computerized arms and legs for walking and carrying work of different purposes. Some depend on others to think out the solution of their problems and challenges for them

We should all recall as students, we were first dependent on our teachers for knowledge before we continued to mature and become interdependent intellectually

.The third form of dependence which is emotional dependence of grown individuals is the business of our day.

Children and wards can depend on their guardians and parents emotionally for the period of their development and gradually reduces their dependencies as they grow.

The reverse is the case for some people, who entirely and continuously depend on their parents, spouse or others emotionally and will do anything to get their attention and approval before they can make any decision in life.  The net effect is that many people with little exception think of themselves most of the time and are rarely interested in solving the next mans’problem of any kind. While we wait for such people who are usually in all places, to make us move forward, they give us the scum of their thinking time which may not be enough to pull us through the challenges we may be facing in the first instance

Those who depend on others to let them out of their manholes trials are usually afraid to take decision because most of them are unable to manage their emotion. They are not proactive and they don’t determine their own response to situations, therefore, they lack experience that comes from solving previous challenges and unable to regulate themselves and use their will power to determine their own answers which will eventually determine their outcomes in life

So many good comes from taking initiative. Let us look at some of them below:

First, it breaks you from the force of inertia keeping you from the condition you want to exit.  if a fat person buys a trainer and registers for gym, the first day may look like nothing and may even be discouraging but if he keeps going and training for the essential intervals day-to-day, something must unquestionably happen to his mass and energy which becomes encouraging and eventually inspiring and strengthening and if the same person endures  for a long time, he may become an instructor himself if he add the instructive qualification or can even be un official trainer to some other friend. All started by taking initiative and taking the first step.

Secondly, it aids you to make improved choices in the next undertaking you want to engage in It is easy, to know what does not work on the second voyage on the same route than in the first. If the same individual was trained to adopt a stratagems that will help him to avoid procrastination in the first instance by regularly working in the gym, the same individual will almost apply it to regularly going to the class and doing his coursework  on time while running educational program

Thirdly, it brings the individual self-confidence up.

Not waiting for anyone anymore improves the confidence of the individual taking the step because it move him up the lather to become emotionally independent and do what he feels right to do that is not against the regulation and it doesn’t have to be cool with all other people. This helps the individual to develop the can do spirit to getting things done without the fear of failure and even if they fail they can rebound quickly

The list of advantages goes on and on and the more we decide to wait we begin to reverse the whole lot.

The idea of waiting on someone before you do what is right for your self is self-defeating and should be substituted for taking initiatives and even if you fail, you can quickly learn from your failure and do it right the next time.



entrepreneur, learning, Motivational, Uncategorized

Learn not to take your self too seriously

easter-2121022__340Life is full of stress.  We tend to take our selves too seriously and most often dwell on solving what is meaningless instead of laughing at such little mistakes and moving on  , we become irritated and scared, thus changing the way we view the world around us. When we focus on the seriousness of such occasions,  we become clumsy and less effective and efficient at discharging our duties and achieving our goals,making small situations to be enlarged before our very eyes.

Most of often, many people   focus  on the other people in our lives and relationships to give them approvals for them to accept themselves.This means that they become emotional dependence rather than independence which is a higher value. When you allow the fear of what people will say  to knock you down, you loose your self confidence often times. While  hurting your self with such fear , you also hurt other people  feelings without realizing it . These behavioral changes alienate people from us and the funny thing is that at those moments, we feel trapped, we act out of bravado rather than understanding. We become defensive as if we are guarding a city to avoid being taken over by some savage.

Without knowing it we are allowing the stress not only to damage the relationships we encounter at those moments. Taking our selves less seriously will make our colleagues , associates spouses, friend trust us and have the feelings that they are dealing with humans and can literally make them want to help also gravitate them to us when they have similar challenges, knowing that since we don’t judge our selves very rashly, we can make them feel better in their own moments of little mistakes and help them move on to focus on what is important. It also accelerate learning as we did not give opportunity to our negative emotions to  open their flood gate of doom in such situations.

In my formative years, we were having a program on entrepreneurship in our school that involved teaching kids the important of learning some  crafts such as barbing,carpentry, weaving etc and i volunteered my hair for the experiment to one one the learning barbers. The learner was a learner any way, he barbed the hair so badly that when i got home i was physically covering my hair to avoid my siblings and  parents knowing that it was badly shaven, but not for long as they found out and it  earned me a completely shaved head by my eldest brother that the sun can reflect on your face from my scalp.

I became afraid the night before school for the next day as i found it increasingly embarrassed to be made a laughing stock. I would have feigned sick but the next day was for  mid term test so there is no escape.The next day felt like a day to visit the dentist. I was afraid of the boys and the little girls in my class who will giggle and even give me names.No amount of self assurance saved me that night

The next morning. i  followed a different route to school to avoid seeing  the kids i know in my neighborhood from laughing at me . Since our school was a stone throw from my house,  we usually walk to school together in the morning with our peers.

Do you know what? as i came closer to the school gate i began to meet the kids i feared most and they did not spare me but made joke of my  artificial bald head. Sensing that there is no way to escape, i joined them  and started  singing along with them the song they were singing to mock me.This unnerved them that one can actually make fun of him self and they sensed that it was useless continuing,therefore  accepting the situation as it was.We even turned what would have been a nightmare mockery to fun as i joked about how i tried to escape every body at home. That attitude quickly made me to be non defensive and i had control of the situation and everything became fun. Before we knew it, the bell rang and the fun came to an end as everybody cut the whole show short and went to the morning assembly and afterwards face the class . Few hours later, it was break time and since the whole class has gotten used to the hair cut, i became free; it only caught the stirs of few of the girls and i gave them thump up while the social science teacher was in the class.

What have you done in the past that you thought will be the end of your live but turn out to be a joke? As adults we should learn from the children and let things drop quickly and not over thinking and worrying about them.Of the truth,there were clearly times in life and certain circumstances that are genuinely serious. However, far too often, we add unnecessary stress, pressure, and negativity to situations with our  serious-attitude instead of learning to laugh at our selves .

Laughter is very good  as anti depressant.It beautifully helps alter  our views and alter our mood, relaxing our muscles, boosting our immune systems, releasing endorphins and decreasing stress hormones, and increasing blood flow to the heart.

We can never  avoid dealing with the serious aspects of our lives—as we all know, but striving to bring  laughter into our lives and relationships in a healthy way is one of the best things we can do to enjoy our selves and also live healthy.

entrepreneur, Motivational, Uncategorized

The Gap between us and our Vision(Conclusion)


Our world today is filled with fix it quick solutions . We were always in a hurry because there are always many things we want to accomplish immediately,  as a result of increased volume of information available to us through the various medium around us. The internet age makes new innovations become stale within hours and minutes if now seconds.The irony is that  time remains constant each day-24 hours in which we have to do so much  things we have in our lists.As we are hit by reality based on the unchanging principles that forms the natural laws governing the universe and human existence, we begin to come in conflicts with so many things: our belief systems; the need for personal sustenance and survival through meaningful work; the need for productivity in our various vocations to retain our positions because of brutal competition; the relationship hassles with our spouses, children, friends because of our inability to feel and react to them appropriately ;need for new skills to compete and not be obsolete due to the changing nature of available job openings and cutting edge technologies. Finally,under these unfavorable conditions, we also begin to notice that habits we have picked up along the wayare inhibiting us to learn the required ones.

When faced with these myriads of deep rooted problems, some people will watch their faith broken and literally melting, resulting to cynicism and criticizing everything and every body around them. Some may resolve to seek solace in various vices not congruent to human growth , while other may lower their expectations about life and decide never to look up in the sky and dream again, believing that  the vision they projected for themselves when they were young was a foolish adventure.The question here is, is there a solution? Of course, Yes.  If there is no solution, everybody would have been in the same sorry state.

The answers we seek will never materialize until we awaken to the fact that we are not getting the results that we want. The first thing is to accept that we are not getting  the result we want because we were still blaming all the outside factors except our role.

Accepted that we could not have changed so many of the outside factors since they were not under our control, so forget about them for a while. An Ibo- African proverb says that “you can never boast to hunger until you have a piece of yam in your hands”; translating that when you achieve your primary self victory you can as well influence the world positively.

Therefore, if you find your self in such a situation, you should take responsibilities for your future actions from them all and also unconditionally accept that nothing could be done about the past, a sunk cost.By accepting responsibilities, gives you the first power to be involved in shaping and  running your life you automatically become the CEO of your self . The next should be to review the past activities of  your life and do some weeding-out of the things you no longer want to do . These  unplugging of non desirable activities  will provide you time you need because you will no longer occupy all your time with wastes and unproductive activities that drain your energy too.

Freeing up some time  and quantum of energy will be liberating as that will allow you the opportunity to be more clear headed  and  look at the remaining list of activities and prioritize what should be done firs,t second and so on and the list of what if not done at all like watching television will not be missed  if there is no time left.The fastest way to move after you determine what you will be focusing on is to get enlightenment on those areas, look for people who are already making making it to couch you. Learning through reading books and articles in those direction should be key.Even volunteering your time in worthy causes will also give you opportunity at the earliest  possible time to start test running your new ideas

Reading good books which are repository of knowledge has suffered in our modern times.So many people put all kinds of activities in their daily schedules except reading some  good books.The purpose of education is to make common knowledge available to everyone and everywhere in the world first and to also serve as the platform to for transmission of knowledge from one generation to the other. Therefore, the  pursuit of  continuous learning will continue to broadening our minds in more than a small ways and as we learn, we  see solutions to most of the problems submerged in our conscious minds even for years past.

There is no way you can master all the subjects of your challenges at once to be honest , learning is a life long activity so be prepared to start taking baby steps on changing the way you approach those challenges by taking action. The earliest step could be in changing your perceptions and your habits by stop fueling the previous old habits but focusing on the new ones you want.The initial step will be difficult but with passage of time it becomes easier. All you need is to develop new mind sets and persevere along the way to achieving your set goals.Do not forget to  always measure your self and see how how far you are moving towards becoming the ideal person that you want to be based on  the  vision you have developed. for you to effectively o achieve your vision,you have to keep your head in the cloud but never stop for once to work on the tasks in front of you to realize those goals that will make your vision to come true.

If you keeping learning,building new sets of skills such as good communication skills, interpersonal relationships and maintain the positive attitude and not returning to to the former ways of cynicism and criticism and self loathing, you will discover the silver lining in the challenges you have had past through in the past and see that you can start converting them to success since these challenges actually provides us the basis for discovery of the solutions to our former problems. In fact, most of the innovative products today that hits the market and become a success story like Facebook was discovered by Mike Zukerberg and his team working on solving the issue of making people keep in touch with their friends and love ones, business associates , school reunions from all over the world at a very negligible cost.  When you begin to look for the solutions to these myriads of past problems and actually find them, you could unravel what will make all the time worth your while and can even earn a living through them then you will notice the gap between you and your ideal vision begin to close and if you are consistent over time, they can even merge in a beautiful way to create a superior ideas  that will not only meet and surpass your daily needs but can make of you  an international icon who has the finance, the knowledge and the desire to contribute to the less privileged and put smiles and resources into the hands and sousl of million who are still lost on their way,, thereby making the world a better place than you previously perceived it.

Courage to embrace the changes and learning is what is returned.